Family

Late December was pretty good for catching up with or meeting some of the relatives - it was great!

Grandma Heather


Great Grandma Thelma



Great Uncle Micheal



Great Aunt Elaine




and then I cracked the sads for cousin Kate - , and of course cousin Tom was sayin' no photos! ;-)

HO HO HO !!

Happy Christmas Everyone!! :-)

Strawberry Patch

Well here's a nuffy House Elf J.




Explanation :


We all went to the local Sunday market where House ELf J waited in the hot sun til the strawberries came down to 4 punnetts for $6. (I'd tell you House Elf L was in the hot chips que, but I'd get put to be sans dessert for that..)

The Shopaholic House Elves bought so much at the market that I was ousted from my pram and it got loaded up with goodies, including the bargain Strawbs - not happy Jan!

On returning home House Elf J declared that we'd been ripped off as there were only 3 punnetts in the bag.

One week later, after the pram had been folded up in the boot of the car in the hot sun, the HouseElves were heard to comment the I was a bit whiffy. in the pram. Sort of an off- fruity smell really.

I protested my innocence stridently , and demanded a recount. This turned up the rather embarrassing fact that the House Elves had not been ripped off, they just hadn't unpacked the pram well enough, and I was lying in a delicate bed of overripe strawberry pulp. from the missing 4th punnett...

Betrayal

Bad Naughty House Elves!!!

Just when I'm getting over my dislocated shoulder they tell me they signed me up for some Jabbing trial with some Insutitute of Child "Health".

Apparently, in my new role as Benji the Human Guineapig I'm doing my bit for Science by trialing a Menigicoccal Y immunisation that's not yet available in Australia.

So on Monday last a nice nurse with sharp pointy hidden things in her soft sneaky handses came a visitin'.

I've spent the week punishing the House Elves by reading up on all the possible side effects and performing them for my captive audience.

Hah - even if they don't ask for an encore I give 'em one!

So if you're in town don't miss my new Show - Little Shot of Horrors.

As Mike from Monster's Inc says "I 'm here til Tuesday...try the Veal..."

And by the way... I've worked out what to hit with my new found fists - the dirty rotten House elves!

C'mon Get Happy!

But just in case you thought I'm just a Bundle of Grumps at the mo' check out me in Happy Mode...

Xmas Sads

Here's what happend when House Elf L told me Santa only gives presents to good little babies...

Holy Chiropractic, Batman

Well its been a loooong couple of weeks. I have been getting grottier and grottier and my House Elves are going batty. Everyone is telling them its just the 6 week "growth spurt" but I'm 7 1/2 weeks old now and still grumpy.

The peaditrician upped my dosage of Losec to deal with the reflux and I'm still knoking back the lactezee to deal with the "lactose intolerance" - I reckon about $40 worth of potions a week!

Finally the House elves listened to our friendly next neighbour Lactation Consultant Mary ( how good is that?!) and took me to a Paediatric Chiropractor...or a Chiropractic paediatrician ...not sure which.

Paul ( the ChiroPaed) is lovely and he noted 4 minor issues - starting with the fact that I have a dislocated left shoulder and seemingly have had for several bloody weeks....(the House Elves noticed my tummy seemed a bit lopsided after a big feed 4 weeks ago...)

...and that means my little spine is bent like a bannana away from the shoulder pain, ....and that means the sacem in my lower back is "out" a bit ... and that means all the nerves attached to the sacem that surround my lower bowel are tingling ... and that means my bowel spasms and constricts... and that means I get wind too.

Bugger!

But Paul stared off by putting my dislocated shoulder back in (oh did the House Elves look scared while I was having that snapped back in - just a little tike on a great big massage table I was.

But I didn't cry. Quite the contrary. I came home had a bath and slept for 8 1/2 hours. Of course that threw out house Elf L's milk supply, so I spent the day after that yelling at everyone again.

But I've been back to the Chiro and I'm making progress - my reflexes are even on both sides now and there's more movement in my shoulder, and my spine is straighter.

"6 week growth spurt" I don't think!

So here's a pic of how I've generally been feeling for the last few weeks. I call it "Dazed and Confused". Quick! break out the Nivea , I'm getting frown lines!




But things are looking up - I've discovered that I can suck a fist, and also hit things with it. I just dunno who that fist belongs to yet...

Healthy diet

A healthy diet is essential for growth...here I'm being shown how good squid rings are...

bath time

word of the day

My House elves have been bandying this new word about recently:

• fractious (frkshs)adj.
  Inclined to make trouble; unruly.
  Having a peevish nature; cranky.

I think it describes them perfectly.

I pooh pooh their adjective, and for myself, prefer the compound descriptor:

• Frog-socked (frôg-sok-ed) adj

An anurian version of :
A short stocking reaching a point between the ankle and the knee.
A light shoe worn by comic actors in ancient Greek and Roman plays.
Comic drama; comedy: “He... knew all niceties of the sock and buskin” (Byron).

Aunty K

Here's me with Aunty Kate - she reckons I deliberately go to sleep every time she comes over. She caught me awake this time - Yay!!

She makes a mean Cheesecake. Which I can't eat 'cos the paediatrician has decided I'm lactose intolerant.....

So I'll eat her arm instead.....

Theft!

Look what happened when the the House Elves weren't watching - 2 Dwarves made off with a midget!!

Baby Formula

Take 2 x stressed House Elves.
Add a large dose of sleep deprivation
Spoon in some Thrush leading to mastitis
Mix thrush with mother and baby

= 10 days in the motherr baby unit of the local hospital.

But we're out now with a raft of new tricks.

And what's more, thanks to some fantastic midwives and lactation consultants, I'm still being breast fed!

Now to deal with the reflux and colic and it'll be all good :-) !

One Horse Race

All this fuss about some racehorse that's won the Melbourne Cup 3 times in a row.

It's Distracting! I'm the Diva!

Hence I decided to keep the House Elves on their toes by taking them back to the Mother Baby Unit at the hostpital for a few days. They claim I'm a grizzlepot and I'm making them tired by staying up all night.

Pair of Sooky La la's. Just can't get good Staff these days - maybe I should retire them.

Weigh in

I know we're approaching the Melbourne Cup, but what am I - a jockey ?! Got any miniature Shetland ponies out there in peak racing form?

This is a pic of me only 4 minutes after I was born. When they let me out of the Sofitel, I was exactly 3kg (yep lighter, but under 10% lighter so that's cool.)

That Pony is in trouble, cos yesterday I got my 2 week weigh in, and I'm up to 3390 grams.

Stylin'

Here I am with House Elf J gettin' ready to ollie at the Skate Park. I'll probabaly break my arm here in a few years time....

My Uncle Paul took the photo - he's clever 'cos there's no evidence he was involved in such a dangerous stunt.... but he was there!

Hawker Haberdashery

I'm making my own Hawthorn Football Club jumper that truly reflects that style and verve of the club.... whaddya reckon so far?

My First Nickname

I am outraged to report that due to my apparent predilection for soiling nappies (really, what else are they for?) my House Elves have awarded me with my first nickname (See image below).

It seems I share the name with someone of Scandanavian (?) origin on page one (and page 2 ) of the Melbourne 05/06 Telstra Residential White pages....do you reckon the layout person got sacked for that one ;-)

Bad Influence

And here's where I went on my first walk - to meet the 'Bourough Bogan Bimmer Biker (just so you know that "Uncle Sharkey" is already a Bad Influence (TM)

Wheels 2

Here's me in my Jalopy on my first outside walk - the House Elves forgot my sunnies - Yellow card....
Note my purrfect little blanket made for me by Granny Marion & Aunty Kate.

Me n' Aunty Anne

Here I am with my lovely Aunty Anne. She's been such a great support to House Elf L.

And she's reorganising parts of my garden with House Elf L to make sure I have flowers to enjoy.

DJ Benji in da House

Groovin'!

Yeah Baby!

That Jethro Tull is just fab!

This is me at my hearing test. Apparently I can hear very well, but my House Elves are stone deaf I reckon, 'cos they seem to take a helluva long time to answer my "infrequent" Summons....

Supertest Snooze

Here I am having a snooze while Justin Lange also lies down on the job in the first and last (?) Supertest. Bowled next ball for a duck.... I like ducks..... But not in Cricket on the Aussie side.

By the way, how bout that 42" Plasma!! It was in my "maternity ward" room at the Sofitel Hotel - the House Elves got to go there on day 4 as part of the Frances Perry Parenting Program rather than stay in the Hospital. They picked us up in a 7 Series BMW and House Elf J spent the next few days watching the Moto GP , Super Bikes and Cricket on a screen 2.071 times longer than me!

House ELf L was the first Emergency Caesar in the history of the program to be allowed to go - Good on ya Mum!

For the record

Here I am at training in my second ever bath for the 1 metre backstroke in the upcoming Commonwealth Games in Melbourne.

I expect a silver medal at least 'cos I've got a secret power boost - did you know I can blow bubbles at both ends?

Hello World!!!

Benjamin Edward Matjacic Milkins born 10/10/05. 3264 gm. 51.5cm.

Benjamin 'cos Mum and Dad like the name.

Edward for my Grandpa Eric's middle name, my Dad's birth name, my Dad's friend Ted, and my Uncle Eddie.

You can work out the other two - do I really have to explain the birds and the bees to you?

the Xth of October

What a spinout. I said I'd arrive on the "X"th of October, and here I come!!

I've ordered the limo and the House Elves have been up all night while I play tricks on them.

We'll go in pretty soon I reckon.

Eviction Special

So , about an hour ago House Elf L says to House Elf J...."there was movement at the Station, for the word had got around...."!

With a clear-mindedness and steady hand that "the Man" himself would have been proud of, House Elf J went to look for his Leatherman and run the bath. And the espresso machine.

"Typical." he muttered to himself, " He would come on the day of the Bathurst 1000..."

Reports from pit lane will continue....

Nestink

So while House elf L is waiting for me to make my Grand Entrance this is what she's been up to. (In between seeing the same movie at the cinema twice in less thean 18 hours.... mind you that John Cussack - bit of a hottie you know)





Apparently she's taking one of the two implements in the background to the maternity ward to use in "remonstrations" with House Elf J..

Late

Well - apparently my House Elves inform me I'm taking after them - I'm LATE!

But only by 3 days and what's that I ask you? Nuffin. Did they seriously expect me, given my parentage, to be on time.

Hmmn?

No jury in the land will convict me that's for sure!

Swannees

Sheesh - you'd think I was being born given the amount of yelling and screaming that went on yesterday....but it was only House Elf L and Aunty Caitlin, Barb and Rhonda watching the Grand Final....

Brownlow

So... House Elf L is busy watching the Brownlow, and as usual, dissing her own Hawks players for taking votes off each other - they should be good at that - they sure know how to handball!

House Elf J and my Nono Pero have been busy putting in a new air conditioner for my delicate self when the summer temps get above 40 Celsius - I'll sure let people know when I'm too hot.

First they had to take the old one out....

Wha' happened?

Well its been waaaayy too long since my last post. I've had my House Elves running around like mad things just for the fun of it. Whenever House Elf L slows down I give her a poke, but its harder to get the other one - he's a little more cautious...but I've kicked him a couple of times when he wasn't expecting it...

Big thank you to the RMIT people for their wonderful generousity - they got together and threw suprise baby shower for me and gave me a wonderful basket of very cute goodies. I'm a lucky boy!

Wheels

Well I have say it' s been a week full of Loot! I complained to my House Elves that my current transport was (a) not the right colour, and (b) lacked cruise control, and look what they did!

I really have to thank Granny Marion too - she's pretty special!

House Elf L had this to say about trading her car Charlie in:



But she cheered up pretty quick!

Thanks Alanah!

My House Elves took me over to my friend Alanah's place to visit last Saturday. She got her House Elves to put together some of her things that she had grown out of, as well as a few special prezzies for me - Wow- she's a generous girl!

Thanks so much Alanah!

Heh - I know your Dad won't let you drink beer, but how do those coasters taste?

Cots 101

I've said it before - ya can't get good help these days.

What do you reckon is wrong with the picture here?



Yep - you got it - the mattress is meant to fit in the cot.


My House Elves forgot to take the measurements with them, so I'm sending them back to the store tomorrow morning....I haven' t decided whether to replace them or the mattress

House Elves education

Last night I sent my 2 House Elves to the last of their antenatal classes.

They'd been saving the best 'til last - so this one was all about the "It's time to go, Benjamin" thing that will happen in early October.

I have to say that I reckon the class freaked them out a little! Especially that video!

There were quite a few other House Elves there looking a bit peaky, but everyone cheered up by the end of the night!

Meet some of my family

Well! What an exciting weekend.

First it was my Aunty Kate's 33rd birthday - how old is she!? I sent House Elf J as an emmissiary, 'cos I knew he was going to have to eat smoked eel, tripe and jellyfish at Yum Cha.

Then I got to meet 2 more of my relatives - Very exciting ! Great Grandma Thelma came up from
Frankston which is quite a long way. She bought Grandma Heather with her from the Falkland Islands which is a very long way!

Here's a picture I had taken.









Grandma and Great Grandma are both going to the Falklands 'til Christmas, so next time I meet them I'll be on the Outside! They are quite happy that I like wool apparently, and I think they're only going to the Falklands so they can concentrate on knitting clothes for me.

Food preparation class

Last night I sent my 2 primary House Elves to Food Preparation Class. Not that there's going to be much choice on the proposed new menu- Number One or Number Two...!

I had no idea that breastfeeding involved such gymnastics.

We met a 3 day old who had just had a feed and I reckon that stuff must be pretty good 'cos she looked kinda like she'd been on the booze. A bit like I've seen my "Uncles" Ted, Peter & Sharkey look sometimes...

House Elf "Humour"

Last night both of my primary House Elves - let's call them House Elf L and House Elf J - were in a weird mood. Maybe it is due to sleep deprivation.

House Elf L hurt her back 8 days ago (my fault apparently!) and it is still sore even after a visit or 3 to what my Grandpa Eric would have called a "Physioterrorist".

And then House Elf J went down with bronchitis. You really can't get good help these days you know.

So anyway as she got into bed House Elf L grumbled "ooh I'm so tired of this insominia..."

To which House Elf J apparently repsonded: "and I supose you are sick of the nausea as well...."

They are sacked as my gag writers that' s for sure.

first post

G'day Everyone !

My name is Benjamin Edward Milkins and this is my first post!

I'm pretty darn clever for not having been born yet!

But I just had to celebrate because my House Elves have finally (well almost) finished my room.

And I thought you should see a picture of one of them testing it for me for comfort. ...



After seeing that, I might even stay in my current room for a while, but I reckon only for the next couple of months...